I started remembering a lot of other crazy things I did as a kid, some of them funny, some of them batshit crazy and some of them completely retarded and we had a good laugh. Here are some of them (from my young life in the countryside):
Let's start chronologically:
- (Told by my mom) I was 2 years old and I was at my grandma's rural farm. I found a nail and quickly fled with it into the house. My mother and my grandmother ignore me (what could a kid do with a nail), but two minutes later they hear a sharp scream. They quickly enter the house and see me as as I was stretching my hand towards the nail, which was stuck in the wall socket
- also 2 years old: Mom caught me eating shit (literally)
- 3 years old: my grandmother found me in the stable sucking milk at the cow's tit, together with the calf
- 4-5 years old: I had given sticking nails stuck in the wall sockets and shit, but I had discovered fire. My grandmother caught me with a neighbor of my age when under the bed where we were lighting up spider webs on fire.
- again 4-5 years old: My grandmother caught me making fire again, but now I was making it behind the summer kitchen (which was made out of wood). This time I got my ass whooped.
- 5 years old. Fire again, but this time I went to the neighbor above, who was also an arsonist. We thought that we find a safer place to light a fire and not be seen by our grandparents. That place was behind the hay barn, which also took fire (fortunately was quickly extinguished and only one corner was burned) ... I thought our parents / grandparents will kill us.
- 5 Years old again: Fire no longer presented any interest to me, but my great-grandfather found me sleeping while sitting astride on a 50L carboy with a hose with one end in my mouth and the other end in the carboy. The carboy was filled with wine. One could say that I "drunk" myself to sleep
- 6 years old: I was hanging around with another neighbor (my age too) in the countryside. He had brought his one year old sister with him, in a stroller. We decided it would be the perfect moment to be mentally retarded and, QUOTE, "let's see how fast would the stroller go downhill". We pushed the stroller on a mild slope (with the sister in it, obviously) but we did not take into account that there were cracks in the asphalt and that the road had a slight bend (where there was the gate of another neighbor's house). The stroller hit the cracks in the road and made a turn right in the neighbor's gate (the compulsory toddler faceplant included). I got my ass spanked so much that day that I could not sit down normally for a week.
- 6-7 years old: my great-grandfather decided that he should change the roof shingle. It was made out of wood and was starting to rot and was letting a bit of water through. The house was a traditional Romanian abode house (mud house with a wooden structure - it matters). On a Sunday, me and two cousins had the idea that our great-grandfather surely had weapons from the Second World War hidden in the house, and the best place would be the attic. Now, because the house had no roof, it was also the best moment to search for them. So we got a ladder, got on the house and starting searching for weapons. Obviously, I wasn't careful enough to step only on the wooden beams. I stepped right on the spot when water used to drip and my leg went through the ceiling. Great-Granddad was in the house and he got really angry. We god scared and quickly pulled the ladder up to us so the old man could not get up. He began throwing clods of dirt at us to get off the roof, or we would ruin the house completely. We, as a retarded bunch of kids, started to throw the clods back at the old man. Suddenly, the old man falls... Oh hell, what did we do? Did we hit him in the head. We quickly get off the roof, but we didn't go straight to him. We went into the storehouse and took a pot of red wine vinegar to sprinkle it on the old man's face. We got close to the old man, but he was pretending to be fainted and and catches the leg of one of my cousins. We got scared and threw the pot of vinegar all over the old man (over his best Sunday shirt)
- 7-8 years old: My grandmother had an old grafted cherry tree in front of the gate (the type that makes big cherries). The tree was also hollow and had only one bigger branch that was still alive. Me and my 2 cousins above decide that all the 3 of us should get up in the tree to eat cherries. The broke. On the way down my head had an intimate meeting with the fence and I fainted, on of my cousins fell on his ass and broke is tailbone and the other cousin broke his right hand.
- 7-8 years old: Had a neighbor who had two apricot trees in an orchard, but between the trees he tied a dog to keep thieves (us?) away from the apricots. Me and a neighbor got pastrami and smoked ham from the pantry and we gave it to the dog to shut up so we can quietly eat apricots. In retrospect, I think I could have made a direct exchange with the neighbor (pastrami and ham for the apricots), but the dog also ate well that day.
And, that's all I remember now...
What stupid shit did you do as a kid?
