Something wired and appropriate for a 1980s IBM PC compatible.
After scouring the internets, the one I really wanted was the original IBM PS/2 (the Alps-made IBM 001 / 6450350, but since the ODROID XU4 doesn't support PS/2 peripherals, I had to convert it to USB somehow, and in a way that kept its look and feel.
So I ordered one off eBay as well as a cheap wired optical mouse as the donor, and a USB cable with a 90 degree plug.
Trigger warning: destruction of vintage IBM PBT plastic ahead
Before cleaning:

After cleaning:

The donor mouse:

Dremeled insides:

Conversion nearly done:

Blue LEDs make everything better:

And the finished product including ample pink shrink tubing:

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